Elders Son
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You Might be a Jehovah's Witness, if ...
by Elders Son inyou might be a jehovah's witness if:.
*** if you think that service to god can be measured in hours, you might be a jw...............*** if you see no problem with arguing that a loving god would never create a hell, while at the same time promoting the idea that this same god is about to kill all non-jw human beings in a fair judgment, you are a jw...............*** if you believe that it is a example of love and kindness to visit with your grandchildren while forcing your disfellowshiped daughter to sit in the car outside, you might be a jw...............*** if you think passively taking in repetitious brainwashing at several meetings a week is a delightful spiritual experience, you might be a jw...............*** if you cannot imagine that people are capable of ethical and loving behavior outside of complete social control, you may be a jw...............*** if you feel that it is ethical behavior to shun (rather than counsel) people in your religious group who have committed a sin, you may be a jw...............*** if you allow a corporation to take the place of god, you may be a jw - or you may just be an american making an offering to the real religion of the majority - money...............*** if you think the spiritual center of god's kingdom is in new york city, you are either a stockbroker or a jw...............*** if you have ever reported a spouse to the elders for requesting oral sex, you are probably a jw...............*** if you feel guilty for having a friend or two outside the membership, you might be a jw...............*** if you think it's an act of unfaithfulness to god to get an education or a decent job, you might be a jw...............*** if you feel you have a great wealth of bible knowledge - despite never having gone to school beyond 12th grade and/or never having read any biblical scholarship - you might be a jw...............*** if you think the idea of the trinity is anti-christian, you might be a jw...............*** if you think the name "jehovah" appeared in the original writings of the greek scriptures, you are a jw...............*** if you believe that only anonymous and somewhat secretive organizers in brooklyn can dictate which bible texts are to be interpreted literally and which symbolically, you are a jw...............*** if you believe that there is only one correct interpretation of a biblical text, you are a poor reader, a fundamentalist, and possibly a jw...............*** if a biblical statement outright disagrees with what is taught in the watchtower - but you believe the watchtower is correct, you are most probably a jw...............*** if you consider cleaning up a messy backyard to be practice for working in the "new system of things on paradise earth", you are a jw (especially if you routinely think in all capital letters)...............*** if you think demons choose to reside in jewelry, furniture, china, books or blue smurfs, you might be a jw...............*** if you feel that death is much more important than birth, you might be a jw...............*** if you think that all men with facial hair are unacceptable, (although every picture in your publications show jesus with a fully grown beard) you might be a jw...............*** if you think that overseers (district or circuit) do not receive a salary, you are a jw...............*** if your reaction to someone wearing a cross is the same as a vampire's, you might be a jw...............*** if you think jw's are not an authoritarian cult, you are probably a jw...............*** if you think the watchtower is not a brainwashing tool, you may be a jw...............*** if you think field service does not involve agriculture, you might be a jw...............*** if you think elders can be 30 years old, you might be a jw...............*** if you can imagine newspaper headlines that read "all humans on earth except jws are destroyed!
" with joy in your heart, you'd be a jw...............*** if you have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't unclasp your right hand, you probably have "bookbagitis" - making you a student or a jw, (but probably not both)...............*** if you can't have a conversation with another human being without saying "jehovah," you are a jw...............*** if you are a male and your first reaction to a brief interruption of a meeting - by the entrance of a beautiful woman wearing a miniskirt - is "how immodest that sister is," then you are a jw...............*** if you eat turkey on thanksgiving and feel guilty about it, but insist that it is alright only because it was free from work, you are a jw in denial...............*** if you wrap presents in brown paper to give each other on "family gift day," you are a jw with too many "worldly associations."..............
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